Is it possible to have a day without worry?

   "A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work." 

    I can really identify with this quote.  I have to admit there are seasons of my life when worry just seems to exhaust me.  I haven't generally been a "worrier" in the past, but the older I get and the more challenges are in front of me and the people I love, I see it becoming something I need to pay a little more attention to and fight to overcome before it swallows me up and drowns me.  

Can anyone relate?

     There seems to be no break from things to worry about.  And with social media slamming us from every side it seems there is no place to find peace, silence, or a few moments with nothing to worry about.  Friends....we have to find a way to protect our minds, our hearts, and even our health from this slippery slope of worry.  We have more people suffering from anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and heart problems due to stress than ever before.

   

    I think sometimes we believe we don't have any control or any choice because "this is the world we live in"...but that is a lie!  We need to work harder at identifying our trigger points and our places where fear begins. And we need to humbly admit and accept that some things are completely out of our control and that trying to control everything is an exhausting roller coaster that is difficult to disembark from.  

   Last week I was feeling particularly burdened. People I love going through major health issues, some financial concerns, friends who lost a loved one, worries about colleges for my daughter, burdened for a friend's marriage, someone being unkind for an unknown reason, my own body's daily challenges with MS...etc, etc,..uggh!  I realize these are normal worries that EVERYONE deals with (life throws curve balls at ALL of us), but it kept me up that night and made me spin.... Do you know what I mean?  I know you are nodding your head.:) 

   Then God spoke to my heart and I was calmed and even exhorted.  "Really Deb....really?  Either you believe that I am faithful, or you don't.  Either you can see the path of your life and all that you have been through and see me holding your hand...or you don't. You know, my child, it is pointless to have faith, to try to live what you believe if when the worry comes you throw your faith out the window. C'mom Deb...I am here, and I love you. I got you."  It's so true, and I admit I needed a bit of a loving slap in the face.

   Let's be honest, we live in a world where we expect "easy" and can quickly slip into an attitude of entitlement. We worry and complain about being inconvenienced or judged, and don't understand when we don't get our own way. We actually worry about almost everything if it's not "perfect".  This is not a way to live.

    So....my goal is to see if it's possible to have ONE day without worry. Just one.  Because if I can do that, than one day can turn into one week..and so on and so on.  Now I realize worries are a part of life, but worry to the point of paralyzing us and consuming us is not okay. I want my worries to TEACH me, not STEAL my peace and my joy.  So I will breathe.  I will find silence. I will turn off the noise and news more often. I will close my eyes and count every blessing and joy before I count my worries. I will smile and laugh and be grateful. And I will pray to my God who listens, cares, and is always faithful.  

I'm going to try....Wanna join me?

Blessings,

Deb :)

    

"

Daily reminders in my journey with MS

 " The Joy of the Lord is our Strength"  Nehemiah 8:10

     This week I had the privilege to speak at an event for a local group on my journey with MS and choosing joy.  I was so touched by those who came and especially moved by many fellow MS sufferers who were there.  It was a pleasure to meet so many of you and have a sense that we were able to understand each other and can support each other.

    Many of you were taking notes, but some asked me to write down the 5 reminders that I discussed in my talk so you can refer back to them.

1. Remember not to compare.  
     As we talked about, comparison is the thief of joy.  It is a slippery slope and a trap.  I will lose my ability to hold on to joy if I am constantly thinking about what I can't do anymore.  I have to focus on what I CAN do.  If you recall I talked about going to Disneyland a couple months ago.  I was very grumpy about having to be in my wheelchair. But within a short period of time my husband was doing wheelies with me in the chair and we were laughing and my children were laughing, and we were having a wonderful time. If I compare myself to everyone else I will miss out on moments of joy.                    

     Remembering not to compare also helps me to be a better friend. I can celebrate my friend's accomplishments with a genuine heart and rejoice with them.  A couple years ago I got to watch two of my dearest friends complete a marathon and I joyfully sat and clapped in my wheelchair and wouldn't have missed it for anything.  If I was busy feeling sorry for myself and comparing, I would have missed out on being a good friend and missed a special moment in their lives.

2. Remember to fill your life with daily reminders

     Let's face it, on tough days even our best of intentions of choosing joy can quickly go out the window. Pain and disappointment, or new symptoms can bring us down very quickly. When I wake up in the morning, swing my legs over the bed, and look down at my feet and I can't feel them or walk for an hour or so, I'm easily tempted to crawl back into bed, throw the covers over my head, and be swallowed in sadness and despair. 

    But then I lift my eyes and I look around and there are reminders all around me. My home is filled with signs and Scriptures that remind me every day to have hope, to have faith, and to choose joy. One of my favorite sayings is on my dining room wall. It says "Every day holds the possibility of a miracle".  I need these reminders so much that I even have a tattoo on my left ankle.  It says JOY with an anchor to remind me to be anchored in joy.  So even as I'm sitting there on the edge of the bed and I am tempted to lose faith I can look down even on my own leg, take a deep breath, pray... and be reminded to walk in joy. 

3. Remember you are never alone

     Chronic illness, cancer, loss or grief .....all of these things can at times keep us isolated and it's easy to feel alone.  Since I was a child the poem 'Footprints in the Sand" has been my favorite.  In my darkest times through every challenge I have been through, I close my eyes and think of those times when he carried me.  And I remember I am never alone. 

   But never being alone means not just remembering that God is by my side.  I have learned how to surround myself with safe people and we take turns taking care of one another. We pray for one another. We never allow each other to feel alone.

     
4. Remember to watch out for counterfeit joy

     I shared with you the story about when my husband and I were in France two years ago. We were able to go to the home of Leonardo da Vinci.  There was an exhibit going on that day including some of his most famous masterpieces.  I walked in and right in front of me was the Mona Lisa.  I was so excited, it was so beautiful, but then I quickly realized that it was a copy.  And although it looked exactly the same as the original, the authentic Mona Lisa hangs in the Louvre in Paris.   I knew in my heart that I was looking at a counterfeit.

    However, I have stood in Rome at the Vatican under the beautiful masterpiece of Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel. That was the real thing! And it was extraordinary!  That was the absolute, authentic masterpiece. 

   Our joy is much the same way.   We can't look to the world  for temporary fixes when we need to find joy. We have to seek after the real thing. 
 I Thessalonians 2:20 says "For you, O Lord, are our glory and Joy".   God IS our joy. He IS joy!

**What you believe to be true affects your outlook and ability to cope when it gets hard.  If you fill your life with counterfeit forms of joy you will never have unshakable stability, authentic hope, or authentic joy.  

5. Remember to let it change you

     I'd love to think that I would be a deep woman of faith and joy without my MS, but to be transparent and honest, I really don't think so.  I believe the depth of my faith would not be as significant without it.  It is changed my perspective on everything. It has taught me humility, compassion, most definitely how to laugh at myself, and how to cherish each day and be grateful.  

    It has also taught me how to care about other people's pain and their challenges. It has allowed me to be involved with their causes and what is important to them and support them.  I believe it's also made me a better friend.  By understanding pain, I know how to comfort a friend in need, hold their hand, and maybe hug a little bit longer than I would have before.  It has also taught me to deeply love my husband and my girls who are my helpers and many times my caretakers.  And it has allowed me to set an example for my children on how to overcome, to be warriors in their own life, and how to fill our home with joy despite our circumstances.


    I don't see my story or continuing story with MS as a sad story, not a story of defeat, but as a rescue story.   He has rescued my heart and continues to do so every day. There are times I can get off course. When pain, disease progression, or the fear of the future starts to get to me and I am floundering in the deep waters, I may not always be able to walk but I can crawl to where I can find him and he rescues me and gives me his joy... every time.

 I hope you will make that choice too.  Praying for you in your journey.
Blessings,
Deb :)
    










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The Blessing of True Love

       It's Valentine's weekend.  And with that comes a lot of posts, comments, pictures and news about the world of love. But I also think it's a tough weekend for people who struggle with love. Whether they've been hurt by it, don't know how to express it, or look for it in the wrong places, some are feeling sad this weekend.  I believe rather than it being a weekend of looking at what we may NOT have, we should focus this weekend on what we DO have. True love might be right in front of us...

     True love is not the romanticized fairy tale of two people finding each other, never having any problems, and love coming easily.  True love has many faces.  It may be with a spouse.  It might be the love between a family member and you.  It may be the love of your child, or it may be the love between friends.  We have done our society an injustice by believing True Love only comes in the form of a romantic, perfect marriage that lasts forever.  Friends, we are surrounded by True Love. I would bet that as you are reading this you are thinking of several people you really love.....

    My question is....is your love true?


     We get so wrapped up in a "what can you do for me?" mentality that we forget our own responsibility to love with purpose.  Every relationship takes two people who equally share in the desire to grow and experience what we all deeply desire....to be loved.  So if you are feeling a lack of love in your life, ask yourself some hard questions.  I believe many of our relationships would experience a lot more "True Love" if we would look in the mirror.  Sometimes we need a good heart assessment, and need to choose to make some decisions on how to love better, live less selfishly, be intentionally kind, and serve joyfully. 


    I am humbly blessed to have "True Love" in my life.  Not just with my husband, but with my girls, a group of amazing women friends, and some extended family.  But it takes work friends. True love should be worth working for.  True love is a collaboration between 2 people who choose forgiveness, faithfulness, a sense of fun, acceptance, and love purposefully.  They don't take it for granted. This means having a  willingness to be held accountable to be the best version of ourselves and to choose to bring out the best in each other.  Be the person that makes someone feel "safe" just being themselves. That is the kind of love that is "true" and can last a lifetime.

 I pray you look around, see the "True Love" in your life, wherever that may be, and cherish it. 

Intentionally take some time this weekend to tell someone you truly love them.  As the quote above says.  "Where there is love, there is life".  It's up to us what kind of life we have....I'd rather fill mine with love. :)

                                            Happy Valentines weekend.  Love to you....Deb :)

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Anchored

     A little over a month ago I got a tattoo.  For about 10 years I have wanted to, but I just kept chickening out.  Since my journey with Multiple Sclerosis began I have chosen daily to fight hard for hope and joy as my strength physically diminishes. Some days the challenge is a bit overwhelming. I keep signs and sayings around my house with my favorite words to remind me what to anchor my heart to when I am tempted to be overwhelmed with discouragement and fear. Joy, hope, faith, strength, love...these are all words that have meaning to me.  As I was trying to decide what to permanently affix to my body that would have deep meaning for me I looked around at all these words and realized that my Joy is anchored in faith, hope and love, and that is what gives me true strength. So I now permanently have the word "Joy' written on my ankle with the "y" shaped like a rope in the shape of an "s" for strength winding through an anchor made up of a cross and heart.  So every time I look at it, it reminds me of what I daily choose to be anchored to. And that gives me hope.

What are you anchored to?

Definition of anchor: A source of security or stability. 

A point of support. To keep hold and be firmly fixed. Free Dictionary

This definition is crucial.  Our anchor must be capable of keeping us secure. It must be a source of support and stability. And it must be a constant to help us to stand firm and fix our eyes on hope.

    Our anchor of hope cannot lie in another person. Not a spouse, a pastor, or even a good friend. Hope can't be found in politics, job success, money, health or even in our intellect. None of these can give us the security, the stability, and the support to remain fixed and strong.  Especially when the storm comes. If you are anchored in your hope to another person and they let you done, then what? If your hope is anchored to a job and you lose it, then what? If you are anchored to your hope in your spouse for security and then you have conflict, then what?  If your hope is anchored in your intellect, and then something happens that rocks your world, then what?  If your hope is anchored to your health and disease hits you, then what?

    Friends, we need to get a handle on what we choose to be anchored to. Or when the storm comes we will sink.  A sailor at sea being tossed about for fear of his life must trust the anchor he possesses to help save him. If the anchor is weak, it will not save him from the storm.  Our sense of security, hope, and safety is directly related to what our heart is anchored to and the strength of that anchor. 

Hebrews 6:19 says "We have this hope as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure. It cannot break down under whatever pressure bears upon it. " Amplified Bible

I don't know about you, but God is that hope I am choosing to be anchored to. And my soul holds to the promise above that my anchor will be firm, secure and not break down under the pressure that may bear upon me.  In that anchor I find my strength. In that anchor I find joy, faith, hope and love.   

Praying the same for you..Deb :)

The Value of Silence and Solitude

    About an month ago I was feeling stretched beyond my breaking point.  The worries and frustrations in my head, paired with pain and physical limitations was overwhelming me.  I hate to admit it, but I actually threw a glass and broke it.  I began to laugh at myself as I cleaned it up and thought, "something has GOT to change".  What can I do differently?  I then realized what God has been trying to teach me. It is the value of silence and solitude in my life.

     We Americans really don't do this well.  Somehow we seem to get our identity in how busy we are, how stressed out we've become and how many commitments we have.  We overwork, overstress and undersleep.    We run on fumes thinking that the busier and more productive we are, the more value we have. WRONG!  We are left with giving the most important people in our lives our leftovers, including ourselves,  and then wonder why our relationships are struggling and our anxiety is high.  Taking time for ourselves to have solitude seems like a failure rather than a healthy way of calming our minds and becoming the best version of ourselves.  Friends, we have got to change this mindset.

    So what happened that day when I had my little meltdown?  I decided to choose silence and solitude.  No radio, no commercials and annoying ads screaming at me for my attention.  I got in my car, drove down to the beach and sat there for quite awhile.  I listened to the waves, the birds, people enjoying each other, and I just breathed.  I found myself wanting to pray (because of course I have to so something!) and I felt God saying "Shhhh...don't talk.... just breathe and be".  My pulse slowed down, my breathing was back to normal and the spinning thoughts disappeared and clarity replaced them.  I came home with a different outlook and my countenance had completely changed.

   Sound like a familiar scenario in your own life?  Feeling anxious and overwhelmed?  When was the last time you had some silence and solitude?

 
 The intentional disciplines of silence and solitude may seem quiet, but they're also full of adventure because God Himself is waiting to meet you there. Whenever you get away from the noise and busyness of life to encounter God through silence and solitude, He’ll change your soul in ways that go beyond words and ALL of your personal relationships will reap the rewards.

  Here’s how you can use silence and solitude to find some peace.

1.   Pay attention to what’s stirring in your soul.  Notice the feelings of desperation that you experience at various times. Instead of trying to suppress or run from those feelings, let them motivate you to pursue time with yourself and with God.

2.   Incorporate silence and solitude into your life regularly.  Choose a regular time and place to get away from life as usual and spend at least 10 minutes in silence and solitude as often as you can. Turn off the noise! Whether a park, the beach, your backyard, the mountains, or even your car. All can be a place to find solitude.

3.   Overcome resistance.  Don’t let anything distract you from devoting yourself regularly to this practice of solitude. Distractions truly are the enemy, we all know that. There is ALWAYS something demanding our attention.  Resist the temptation to always respond right away and go have your time. 

4.   Seek rest for your body, mind, and soul.   Pray for the wisdom you need to recognize when you’ve become dangerously tired – exhausted by life’s demands, to the point where you can’t hear God’s voice speaking to you.  While you’re spending time in solitude take deep breaths, relax, and just listen. Saying no to things can be incredibly healthy. Know your limits and the slippery slope of people-pleasing that leads you to take on too much. 

5.    Face yourself as you really are, and let God help you.  Rather than hiding from God, or trying to control what others think of you, allow the truth of who you are to surface during solitude and silence – and face the reality of the person you see, flaws and all.  Keep in mind that God is for you, and with you. So give yourself completely to God, who loves you just as you are but also loves you too much to let you stay as you are.

*In solitude and silence you’re learning to stop doing, stop producing, stop pleasing people, stop entertaining yourself, stop obsessing — stop doing anything except to simply be yourself before God and be found by him.

 Always praying for you.
 Now turn off your computer, turn off the noise, and go find some solitude,
 I'm going to do the same. ...Deb :)

 

                                                        My solitude spot :)

When the test becomes the blessing...

What is a test?  

     Definition:  "A procedure for critical evaluation, a means of determining the presence, quality, or genuineness of something; a trial.  An examination to make a person perform to the utmost of his capabilities. To exhibit a given characteristic when subjected to a test."  (Free Dictionary)

How many of you would say you feel like you are living a "test"? 

Sending a child off to college? 

Empty nest for the first time?
Struggling with friends?

Going through a scary medical challenge or long time illness?

Marriage difficulty? 

Financial struggles? 

Job change? 

Loneliness?

Made a mistake, and not sure how to work your way back?

Grief and loss?

What seems like constant "bad luck"?

Challenges with your children?

     Yes, this is a long list, but I imagine you can identify with at least one of them.  You can probably relate to the feeling of being 'tested".  Life is full of tests.  But as the definition above states, there is something hopeful about what a test actually means. My own personal translation of the above definitions is: "A life test is a critical evaluation and examination to produce truth, quality, character and to grow beyond my current capabilities". 

     I find hope in this definition.  I have to.  Because honestly, I don't like to be tested.  It hurts, it's uncomfortable, even suffocating at times.  But without hope in the possible positive outcome of the test, I may very likely miss the blessing.  Yes, the blessing.  I can honestly say there have been very few tests that have not resolved with an amazing blessing on the other side.  

      

What is "blessed", or a blessing?  

    Definitions: Some of my favorite dictionary definitions:  "Rescued. Showing marked joy. Bringing happiness or contentment.  Beautified.  A special mercy, favor or benefit." (Free Dictionary)

     These are amazing words filled with hope.  As I look back on many, many tests, more than I want to count, I see these definitions come alive and I smile. Even the most painful times of testing allowed me to experience a blessing. Some had more pain than I thought I could bear. Some blessings truly rescued me. Some taught me unwavering joy, compassion and mercy.  Some challenged me and deservedly put me in my place.  I am sure many of you can identify with that.  Some of your tests will stretch you and humble you, and some will truly change you. We need to encourage each other not to give up and to find the little blessings in the toughest times.  When we do that, we are helping one another to be more capable to handle the next test and still believe there can still be a blessing on the other end.  

   *I chose the picture above for a reason.  One of the greatest and hardest challenges in life is to be a parent.  I always say to new moms that it is the best thing that can ever happen to you, IF you let it.  I think of the last 19 and 16 years of being a Mom to these girls and it has been filled with SO many tests, some which continue every day.  Yet the picture above is my blessing.  I am a mom of two girls who know how to persevere, start over, forgive, have compassion, and know how to love.  We as a family choose to see a test as a blessing, and we are stronger for it.  

So can your current test become a blessing?  

*Praying for you that you can find the blessing in the test.  Remember, we are not inspired by those who never learn from their toughest times, or those who seem to have an easy life.  We are inspired by those who go through the toughest times, can still find the blessing, and who put an arm around our shoulder and remind us to have hope.  

Go be someone's hope today.

Hugs,

Deb :)

Do I really know what love is?

  One of the many questions I get asked in working with teen girls and with pre-marital couples is "How do I know when it's really love?"

      This is a loaded question.  The "word" love in our English language means so many different things.  It's a bit unfair actually, in my opinion, to the many teen girls and young women feeling emotions for a guy and not really knowing if what they feel is real.  My husband and I counsel couples before they get married, and even a few of them have asked, "how do we really know?".   They are almost embarrassed by the question,  but I appreciate their honesty.  We are all looking for real love.  And it seems a lifelong search for many. For some this search for love manifests itself in a parent/child relationship. For some it's friend to friend. But for most of us the main search is for the husband/wife relationship we are looking for someday.  

   

      I have made my share of mistakes, and watched teens and young men/women make mistakes too. We need to learn from those mistakes and make better choices. As Pat Benatar says in that old 80's song: "Love is a Battlefield."  We have to know what love is so we know what we are fighting for! 

 There was a movie out a few years ago that had a great scene with two young actors talking about what love is.  Here is a quote from it:

" So how much do you love her?  Is it love, big love, or is it great love? 
 Like, what do you mean?  
Well, love you get over in two months.   Big love, two years.  
Then there's great love ... 
Yeah?....  
Well......Great love changes your life ..... "

   So, how do we know when it's great love?    My thoughts on this bring me back to where I believe all questions can be answered and that is the Bible. 

      So, let's look at the most popular passage on love in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13.

  Many people know this passage, even people who don't really have faith or know the Bible use this passage at their weddings.  But if we look at it closer, it really DOES have all the answers.  It gives us the perfect recipe for "Great Love". 

1Corithians 13:
    ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

      When you question if love is really what you feel, ask yourself these questions and replace the word "love" with their name.  Is he kind?  Is he patient?  Is he humble or prideful and only concerned about himself?  Is he jealous?  Does he always have to have his own way? Is he honest? Does he build up others or put them down?  Is he easily angry?  Does he lead you in truth and is he trustworthy? Does he choose hope?  Does he protect you and those who can't protect themselves?   

       NOW, what can be even harder to do is put your OWN name in the blanks too.  Can you answer "yes" to the same questions? Do you really know how to love?  Or are you only looking for someone to fix you or complete you?  If you can answer these questions on both sides with a big "YES", than pray for God's guidance and wisdom and move forward. Remember it doesn't mean everything is always perfect, but real love tries to win the relationship more than the argument.  This applies to dating relationships, marriages and even important friendships.

     What's amazing about this passage is that this is God's perfect love for us.    He is all these things to us because God IS love.   He should be our first " great love."   This passage really helps us to decide if what we feel is lust, obsession, desperation, fear of being alone, or if the relationship has the potential for "great love".  Great love is about sacrifice....just like His sacrifice for each and every one of us.   I just LOVE this, and my hubbie and I do this exercise regularly to keep our own "great love" in check and make sure that God, the author of love, is in the center. 

So, let me know what you find out when you try this exercise. I wish you "great love" in your life.  I promise, it's worth waiting for!

LOVE......Deb

Also check out Marriage by God ministries at
www.marriagebygod.org

*** Also if you find you are struggling with this please remember, we can all learn new ways of showing love and growing in our relationships. It's a life long journey. No one loves perfectly all the time and there are many ways to strengthen your relationships. Don't give up. :)

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