How do I know if it's really love?

                                                      

   One of the many questions I get asked in working with teen girls and with pre-marital couples is "How do I know when it's really love?"

      This is a loaded question.  The "word" love in our English language means so many different things.  It's a bit unfair actually, in my opinion, to the many teen girls and young women feeling emotions for a guy and not really knowing if what they feel is real.  My husband and I counsel couples before they get married, and even a few of them have asked, "how do we really know?".   They are almost embarrassed by the question,  but I appreciate their honesty.  We are all looking for real love.  And it seems a lifelong search for many. For some this search for love manifests itself in a parent/child relationship. For some it's friend to friend. But for most of us the main search is for the husband/wife relationship we are looking for someday.  

   

      I have made my share of mistakes, and watched girls and women I love make mistakes too. We need to learn from those mistakes and make better choices. As Pat Benatar says in that old 80's song: "Love is a Battlefield."  We have to know what love is so we know what we are fighting for! 

 There was a movie out a few years ago that had a great scene with two young actors talking about what love is.  Here is a quote from it:

" So how much do you love her?  Is it love, big love, or is it great love? 
 Like, what do you mean?  
Well, love you get over in two months.   Big love, two years.  
Then there's great love ... 
Yeah?....  
Well......Great love changes your life ..... "

   So, how do we know when it's great love?    My thoughts on this bring me back to where I believe all questions can be answered and that is the Bible. 

      So, let's look at the most popular passage on love in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13.

  Many people know this passage, even people who don't really have faith or know the Bible use this passage at their weddings.  But if we look at it closer, it really DOES have all the answers.  It gives us the perfect recipe for "Great Love". 

1Corithians 13:
    ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

      When you question if love is really what you feel, ask yourself these questions and put in the name of the person you love.   Is he kind?  Is he patient?  Is he humble or prideful and only concerned about himself?  Is he jealous?   Does he always have to have his own way? Does he build up others or put them down?  Is he easily angry?  Does he lead you in truth and is trustworthy? Does he choose HOPE?  Does he protect you and those who can't protect themselves?   

       NOW, what can be even harder to do is put your OWN name in the blanks too.  Can you answer "yes" to the same questions? Do you really know how to love?  Or are you only looking for someone to fix you or complete you?  If you can answer these questions on both sides with a big "YES", than pray for God's guidance and wisdom and move forward. Remember it doesn't mean everything is always perfect, but real love tries to win the relationship more than the argument.  This applies to dating relationships, marriages and even important friendships.

     What's amazing about this passage is that this is God's perfect love for us.    He is all these things to us because God IS love.   He should be our first " great love."   This passage really helps us to decide if what we feel is lust, obsession, desperation, fear of being alone, or if the relationship has the potential for "great love".  Great love is about sacrifice....just like His sacrifice for each and every one of us.   I just LOVE this, and my hubbie and I do this exercise regularly to keep our own "great love" in check and make sure that God, the author of love, is in the center. 

So, let me know what you find out when you try this exercise. I wish you "great love" in your life.  I promise, it's worth waiting for!

LOVE......Deb