When the "Green-eyed Monster" is Me

     

   A few weeks ago a woman I was talking to was complaining about her marriage and her personal relationships.  I was doing my best to encourage her and be a good listener, but I couldn't help but come away from the conversation sad and a bit disturbed about a particular comment she made.   

 The comment was...." I just can't help the way I am and the personality God gave me.  I'm just a more negative person, you're lucky you are positive."

   Hmm...I got to thinking about that and have come to believe that the comment she uttered is a common lie.  We use this as an excuse not to grow, to mature. We use it as reason to blame everyone else for our problems rather than take responsibility for our own choices and attitudes.  We get consumed by jealousy and bitterness. I got to thinking about how often I am tempted to think that way myself.  Sometimes the "green-eyed monster" rears it's ugly head and we realize the monster is US!  We have gotten so used to the whining and complaining that I think it has become the norm. Especially for women. 

    So, it begs the question, can we help the way we are? Do we really have a choice with the personality we have? 

    Answer: Of course we can help it, and of course we have a choice!!

       I believe we need to stop making excuses, comparing ourselves to others, and basically stop finding stuff to complain about.  It's ruining friendships, marriages, and parent-child relationships.  Of course we can help the way we think,  behave and love...we are NOT victims.  And we need to stop acting like we are.  We are not victims of our past, our failures, or even our personality type.  UNLESS WE CHOOSE TO BE!  Using those things as an excuse not to get better, learn better, resolve better and love better, is a choice. And it keeps us stuck, jealous and bitter.

     So how can we overcome when we are tempted to stay stuck in a rut of negativity? How we change our thought process so we are not robbed of JOY?

A few suggestions and reminders as I lecture myself:

1. PRAY:    Don't ever underestimate the power and the wisdom of prayer.   Pray before you are tempted to complain. That always helps me put my heart in the right place. It immediately puts us in a place of contemplation and help us evaluate our feelings. 

2. PICK WELL, PRUNE WELL:   Pick the right people to share your life with. Pick friends who bring out the best in you and want you to bring out the best in them. Look for maturity, honesty, fun, faith, and joy.  These are the people to share your "inner circle" with.  Prune the people who are a constant, negative influence on you.  I realize this is easier said than done and I am not suggesting leaving a spouse, or completely cutting someone out of your life.  I am suggesting that when we do get into a complaining place we tend to gravitate towards people who do the same, and that isn't healthy.  Hanging out with girlfriends while bashing and complaining about our marriages or other people has become a poison. Watch for those red flags.  And make sure YOU are that healthy kind of person. People who constantly complain they don't have close friends may need to to ask themselves a few honest questions.

3. PATIENCE:  How many times if we had waited to respond, to judge, or to complain would a situation have gone better?  Waiting, thinking, praying and processing is a sign of maturity and rarely results in a negative response.  I have learned this one the hard way myself.  As much as that is embarrassing to me to admit, it has corrected me, challenged me and matured me for the better. This leads to true forgiveness and peace.

4. PERSONALITY:  Know your personality type.  Know your strengths and weaknesses and where your slippery slopes are.  I am optimistic,yes, but I also choose to be and have to work at it.  Most of the time that is good, but it can also make me a people pleaser.  I have to know that about myself so I don't get into trouble.  My dear friend is a pessimist. She knows that about herself and uses that to think more logically and excels at problem solving.  But because of her pessimism, she surrounds herself with people who are positive and optimistic so she does not become too critical.  KNOW YOUR TYPE...embrace it.  We need ALL of our different personalities or life would be really boring!

5. PLAY:  When life gets serious, as it does for all of us, don't forget to play.  Laughter is medicine.  Play with your spouse, your girlfriend, your kids. Laugh so hard your stomach hurts.  Have a pillow fight, watch TV bloopers, play a game.   Act like a kid with safe people. Joy is contagious and cancels out the negativity that wants to destroy us.  



So, do we have a choice?  You bet we do.....so go make a good one!  I am off to try too!! 
Deb :-)

What do you think?...............................